"I was dying and being praised for it"

Please read this one.. after the --- line.. I have written somethings that I would really like to have people actually read. Thank you.

The title, for the first time since my first post, is not a song lyric from the song that I am currently listening to. This is partly because I am not listening to any music [I feel my midnight headache coming on... at.. 2:30am..] and also because I wanted to ramble about something much more serious than the usual drivel found on here. I will drivel, though... but not as much.. and maybe you will be able to tell the start of the serious from the stop of the drivel.. but it is 2:30 in the morning, though, so I promise nothing [except a well placed --- line!!]. What could this subject of seriousness possible be, you will ask. And I will tell you, but first I need milk.

We currently have THREE open jugs of milk in our fridge, one of each % variety up until 2.. Why? I have no freaking idea, but having the choice is nice... We DO go through crazy amounts of milk here, but I think three jugs at once [and by jugs, I am referring to those monster 4L plastic jugs] is a bit much. I could be wrong, I guess.. I mean, I have been drinking crazy amounts of milk lately, since milk and yogurt are about the only two food substances in existence that dont irritate my throat right now. Its good, though, because with the amount of calcium Ive consumed in the last week, I will NEVER get osteoporosis in this lifetime***.

Thanks to everyone who helped resolve the accurately named Sexy Instrument Battle. I will soon be informing Micha of her defeat. Muahaha.

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Anyways, I want to talk about body image and all the fun eating disorders and such that come along with it [for those who may not have ever actually heard me speak, when I said fun, it was meant sarcastically..]. I was watching this show today before I embarked on my day's adventure [I forget the name, but it was some talk show on a-channel] that was all about body image and I really enjoyed it. I like it that people are talking about this now and recognize that this is a huge problem in our society. Obviously I have done very much/any of my own research, but one statistic they had on the show was that somewhere between 200 000 and 300 000 women between 14 and 24 suffer from anorexia nervousa and double that have bulimia nervosa. Is that not disgusting? The horrible part about it is that "sub-clinical" disorders arent included in that [for those who dont know: that sorta refers to people who have some symptoms of a disorder but not enough, like only starving yourself SOMETIMES or not frequent enough for it to be an all out disorder.. and horrible things like that. If anyone cares, I can go into the technical definition and such]. So yes. Its a problem. I dont think there is any denying that.

So the title quote, "I was dying and being praised for it" was said by one of the guys on the show who was a researcher of some sort [look at me being full of COMPLETE facts..] who had an eating disorder and was able to overcome it. He said that yes, he was losing weight and looking 'better' but because of it but his body was deteriorating. But people dont see that. The see the weightloss which directly translates into 'good' in todays WESTERN culture [There was a study done [this was talked about on that show I watched] in [I believe..] Fiji where it was found that after the introduction of television and western media to the community, the cases of eating disorders skyrocketed. Is Western Culture at the root of this problem? hmm...] so people were complimenting this man on his accomplishments. No one cares that he was killing himself to do so; he looked good and thats all anyone saw or cared about. Its sick.

I dont mean to say its not healthy to be thin or unhealthy to be big, but understand that your body can only take so much stress. It is healthier to be bigger at a constant weight than to be smaller and lose and gain weight often [aka "yo-yoing"]. The emphasis SHOULD be on cardiovascular health [something, I will admit, that I am sadly lacking at the moment..]. You dont need to be thin to be in good shape. [I will talk about myself since its all I can talk about with certainty] When I was in high school and running sprints for rugby more frequently than I would have liked, I was in better cardiovascular health than I think anyone in my entire family has ever been. I was a big kid and yet I know I was a lot healthier than some [one comes to mind very quickly.. ahem] of my 'skinny' [and otherwise beautiful] friends. The point of this story: you shouldnt look at someone's weight alone to determine the health risk they face.

But we dont tell people that. We fill magazines and tv and movies [and if someone says that this isnt where the problem is coming from, theyre blind and/or ignorant] full of people who was, as a society, consider beautiful and then, in the tiny disclaimer and the bottom of the screen we say something about how this may not reflect reality or whatever. Im not saying we shouldnt let beautiful people on tv because it will destroy the minds of our youth, but where the fuck is the balance?! How many chubby kids do you see in movies UNLESS they are SUPPOSE to be the chubby kid that everyone picks on and such. Can you think of 10 heavy actresses before you think of 25 thin ones? The media doesnt like fat. Fat doesnt sell, unless its in a hamburger.

Disclaimer: The images in the media are distorted.

I bitch but do I act? I hope so and in my own way I think I help. Im not saving the world from any epidemic, but I like to thing I help where I can. [and mr.t says you can too!]

Think about your own ideals for a second. Just yours, and no one elses. What do you find acceptable? appealing? attractive? Ive been talking about this quite a bit lately, although not in this context, and in terms of the opposite gender, I dont think my ideals really match the medias at all. I do not find muscles all that sexy. You know, those rippling biceps you hear so much about? Yeah?, does nothing for me. I like chub. I find a guy with a beer belly much more attractive than one with a six pack [all other characteristics remaining equal]. But thats me. Im not saying that I cant find guys with muscles attractive [a certain ABs player comes to mind.. mmmm... flanker...] but its sure as hell not required or even preferred. So, do YOU prefer the blonde with the dangerously low body fat percentage?

When Im talking about myself, its a completely different story. I am a hypocrite, I will admit, but I dont really know how much I can do to change that. I am not alone when I say that there are times when I really hate myself, or at least, certain features of myself. I do now and I did when I was running sprints in high school. I cant really help it. This isnt a consistent thing, though. Mostly, I am indifferent and neither love nor hate my body. There are times, this very moment being one of them, that I really dont care if everyone else thinks Im too big to be wearing low riders [see: Backlash on Dan Savage]. I still dont find myself attractive but lucky for me that doesn't really matter right now. I dont hate myself for it and I think thats the important thing. I am not willing to starve myself to attain whatever standard I think is acceptable for me/you/joeblowdownthestreet/whoever and I really dont want other people thinking that they have to starve themselves for me or whoevers opinion they care about [If anything, I will start running again as that can do nothing but good for me [hahaha.. no. Im lazy [and sick...] right now.. [Maybe at the end of my class...yeah..] [and this is why I am a chub muffin : ) ].]. holy crapload of square brackets batman!]. But why I even care in the first place Im not completely sure. I mean, just 2 paragraphs ago I said I didnt like the meidas ideal of beauty and I really hope Im not alone in that, but I dont know if Im not. I maybe, or at leat damn close to alone. Maybe Im afraid that everyone else has been brainwashed and I will remain an outcast of society forever. Maybe not, but I will do my part none the less: Does the one you care about know you love his belly?
: )

And with that, it is now 3:30 and I think my head is going to implode with pain. I want to keep going on this, but by morning, I probably wont. Thank you for reading as I really do think this is important. Do your part! Spread love! Not STDs!

Bonne Nuit


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To help prevent osteoporosis, you need to consume lots of calcium and vitamin D regularly.. not only weeks when you can eat nothing but calcium and vitamin D.