Something bad inside me went away

My day was kind of depressing.

I didnt go to church this morning.

I did go to work.

It was when I arrived at work I found out that I would not be attending church ce matin.

Why?

It seems that handicapped people have emotions [go figure.], too, but they are not tolerated.

So lets call the main character of my story Sandra, just to make this all happy and legal. Sandra has downs syndrome. Sandra is 40. Sandra has lived her whole life with 2 other people with downs syndrome and although the trio are as tight as family, thats all they are [a family..]. It should really not surprise anyone when they learn that Sandra, like [almost] every other person in the world, wants the kind of love that she cant get from her 'family'.

S0- is it really so strange that, after having been around a certain man for many a long years [attending church together and all], Sandra develops a crush. She tries to look nice to impress him and get his attention by flirting and other various ways. It would never work out with him [for a bunch of various reasons..], but everyone seems to know this but Sandra.

As an employee of the House, it suddenly my job to let Sandra know that shes in over her head and that "this kind of behavior is unacceptable" [direct quote from the official memo]. To enforce this, Sandra doesnt get to go to church [and I do mean to use the word "get". The people of the House do not go out much and every outing is an adventure to them. Even church.]. She cant stay home by herself because its unsafe [see: the only reason I am employed] so I [since she apparently likes me] stay home with her and make sure she carries out her "punishment" [which includes, besides skipping church, doing various chores around the House]. We did everything we were suppose to [I help her, because, well.. Im a softy and I already felt horrible for her] fairly early so we then [since this is a punishment and we arent allowed to play games] talked for a long while.

It started out fairly innocent. She asked me about things like my family, my favorite food, season, etc [Im a new employee and they dont know much about me yet] but it didnt take long to get on the subject of her not going to church. She cried but we eventually got through it. It was horrible.

The last thing she said to me in our time alone this morning:

"I am going to get married one day, you know."

I almost cried.



This whole situation was all messed up to me. On one hand, it wouldnt have worked between Sandra and this guy and it good to let her know that as not to build up her hopes and keep her head in reality and protect her against future disappointments. On the other hand, as my own person and is free of any [known] mental handicaps, I sometimes dont like to know when my head is in the clouds. Ive talked about this before and Ill more than likely talk about it again, but sometimes its better to not know if things are realistic, or hell, even possible. And thats to me, who has ever chance of it actually working out. If I were Sandra and all I had [and she may or may not know this but I know the management of the House sure as hell does] were multiple the possiblity of and nothing concrete, then Id want to keep what I had. At least in the possiblity of she doesnt die lonely.